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Lamer Text!


1997 Christmas   

Christmas of 1997, a couple of my Dad's friends decided to cut down their own tree. Upon returning home, the husband was covered in pine pitch, so he started a shower while his wife began to decorate the tree. If only it remained that simple...

Mid-shower, the wife let forth with a huge scream bringing the husband bounding down the stairs wearing nothing but suds. She was pointing under the sofa, shrieking "A snake! A huge black snake crawled out of the tree and slitered under the sofa!"

The husband quickly began his manly-man duty, and got on hands and knees and crawled under the coffee table to get a better look under the sofa. Meanwhile, the wife sprinted outside to get some help, and released their Labrador Retriever from his pen. The dog ran inside the open back door and into the living room. Upon spying the husband in his awkward position, the dog did what any dog with an ice-cold nose would do when meeting someone. Feeling this glacial greeting, the husband (already on-edge determining the whereabouts of a snake) convulsed and bashed his head into the bottom of the coffee table, knocking himself completely unconscious.

At this point, the wife returns to the living room to find her husband unresponsive, sprawled on the floor. Thinking that he somehow has received some sort of bite, she immediately calls the paramedics who arrive in record time. As the two EMTs are getting him dressed and strapping him into the gurney he begins to come to. He tells them what really happened, and they are still laughing as, on their way out, the snake decides to make a return appearance and slithers out from under the sofa. One of the paramedics is so frightened that he jumps back, letting go of the gurney. The husband spills out onto the floor, breaking his wrist.

The snake, somehow, gets away.


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