Humor Planet - Part of the Amusive Network

Rate This Joke!





Main Page
Submit a Joke
Feedback
About Us
Advertise Here
Link To Us!
Free Stuff at FreeCenter

Joke A Day!

Get a FREE Joke in your mailbox every day! Just enter your E-mail address below to be subscribed.





Animals
Blondes
Business World
Computers
Geek Humor
Idiots
Insults
Kids
Law
Lists
Medicine
Men & Women
Nationalist
Old People
Relationships
Relatives
Religion
School
SEX!
Sports
True Stories?!
Weather
Misc



Lamer Text!


Almost Like You're Skiing   

Since it's getting warmer (or at least they tell us it is, then it snows again), here's a way to simulate a ski vacation:

Soak your gloves in water and store them in the freezer after every use.

Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.

If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.

Throw away a hundred dollar bill - now.

Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.

Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.

Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.

Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.

Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.

Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.

Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.

Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's winter again.


Back to Joke Listing!

 

  Copyright © 1998-99, by The Amusive Network. All rights reserved. Privacy Policy